I am in a vortex of obligation.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
