who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
