if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
i believe in u and ur pee
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
