dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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