Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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