Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
