I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
