Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
