My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
