you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
