I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
