i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
You can't special order awesome
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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