Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
