is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
