i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
