Can Purell be used as lube?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
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