You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
