last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
