Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
