i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
