You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
