You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something