I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing