a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I'm in love with you.
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
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I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
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I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine