I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't