I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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