If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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