I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
