girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
