i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
