Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
