I'm so fucking centered right now
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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