Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
