Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
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Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
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I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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