my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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