I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Someone signed my nipple.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
