I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
