Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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