I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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