You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
