The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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