so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
two words...techno handjob
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
