i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
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gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
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Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize