Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
