Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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