Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
