If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
