No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
