Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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