Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Non-Jews are for practice
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
