Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
