Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
