I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
