took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
We need to feng shui this bitch.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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