South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
