went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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