you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
