I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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