My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
