we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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