He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
