hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
