everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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