i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
She's the barista slut.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
