1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
