I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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